We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
