I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
