I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
