Is it normal to miss your booty call?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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