That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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