I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
