Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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