So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
babies were throwing up all over the place
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
