You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
We're too hungover to prance.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
