she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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