i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
