No awkward lesbian experiences without me
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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