I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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