i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
