you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
