ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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