Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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