We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
There's even glitter on my cock...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
