my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
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They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
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It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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