Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
We smell like vodka and hangover
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