Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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