did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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