Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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