I'm going to jail i love you
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
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As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
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I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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