Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
