i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
50% drunk capacity currently
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
