; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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