Christians are straight up FREAKS
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
