Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Let's get the cat blown out
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
