I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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