Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
