If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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