I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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