Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
