I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
