Define "chronic" masturbator.
I think my fart just growled at me.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
