I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
