I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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