this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
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My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
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Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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