You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
