Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
