Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
It's never too late to be topless.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
