Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Are we still banned from the library?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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