Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
