is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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