Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
