You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
