a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
