WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
