My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
