I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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