Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he thought i was a dude.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Randomize
