I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
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