You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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