I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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