Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
