Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
