9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
