i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
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she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
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Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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