You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
