her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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