He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
