chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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