Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
