I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
