Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Randomize
