well I can't set my house on fire every night
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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