I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
