God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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