She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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