You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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