even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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