I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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