ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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